Between Finger and Thumb
by flawsinscience
Summary: Dr Alexander must deal with a past she has kept secret from her colleagues and friends. How does Harry react to the bombshell. Nikki/Harry, eventually...Chapter 11/12/13 up now 9-04-11! now featuring Connie Beauchamp from Holby City
1. Chapter 1

_Hello wonderful readers. I hope this story finds you in good health and not to worn by the world. Before continuing I must confess to being a new Silent Witness recruit. I happened upon this series and I'm very glad I did! If any of the back-story references are inaccurate I do apologize, I rely on snippets from you tube. Constructive feedback is welcome a plenty! Much love flawsinscience x _

Between Finger and Thumb

_March 14th 1988, Cambridge UK _

Whilst the outside world passed by, a vacuum had occurred in academia. Final year students, postgraduates and doctorates alike were having meltdowns over missed results and panics about inability to perform. One such student was Nikki Alexander, hoping that within the next month she would earn a prefix, highly commended in society; her medical degree.

Everyone had their own preference of study location, some worked tirelessly in the library, cursing noisy neighbours and longing for the comfort of pyjamas and more than four hours sleep. Others, such as Nikki Alexander chose to study at home, rarely getting dressed and frequently loosing track of time and day. Moments punctuated by hearing news on the radio, or by way of a 3-day old paper lying disused on the table. The overture of a giggling baby calmed her, a cacophony of babbling words dancing across the corridor like a reassuring lullaby.

Most would fend off responsibility a child brings particularly in the midst of a university career. Nikki wouldn't, she couldn't ignore the fact her flatmate was disowned, outlawed and promised no abode during the upcoming holiday.

'You know that humans take breaks when studying' Freya Riley explained, her soft Irish accent hushed and playful.

'Most humans aren't as under prepared as me' Nikki retorted, not lifting her gaze.

'Rubbish, you've pulled 12 hour days since January. You're sporting a very fetching pallor too.'

'You work just as long as me, if not longer.'

'I didn't ask for it. Sprogging a child whilst studying for biotechnology with immunology is surely some kind of criminal punishment. We'll take the bub for a walk, no more than an hour?'

'Really, I can't. Work at the lab this week was slow; I've got stuff to write up and things to graph. I'm still on for babysitting on Friday night though. Aubrey and I are going to study the neurotoxic effects of PDX-1.' Nikki looked up, hopefully smiling at her flatmate.

'My child's first word is going to be toxin and you'll be to blame.'

'Perks of being Godmother, my aim is to ruin,' Nikki shot her flatmate a wicked grin, grabbing an empty coffee mug she went to fix another drink. 'Give me another hour to finish some more reading and we'll walk to the shops, I need chocolate.'

'Hallelujah'

_February 14th 2010, Cambridge, UK _

'Good evening one and all,' Patrick wandered into the kitchen, ignoring the odour of student.

'Good evening,' the voice belonged to a petite figure consuming the kitchen table, books piled on papers, a banana skin browning with oxidation. Study accoutrements including vitamin tablets, energy drink, disused coffee mugs and eye drops piled uncomfortably atop journal articles dressed with shocking green highlighter.

'Aren't you going to ask why I'm so chipper?' Patrick paused, gathering the abandoned dishes for washing, depositing the rubbish with disgust. 'No?' he turned round, pausing for a moment. Every so often he would catch her, looking dishevelled an content, her unruly hair tousled in waves soft enough to wrap his heart in old fashioned love.

'Sorry, I'm knee deep in an essay. You know how it is.' Aburey turned around, forcing her Irish curls into a submissive bun 'earth to Paddy! I take it something good went down at the lab.' she stood up, folding herself into his empty embrace.

'I only proved Arran wrong; she was pissed as hell.' He drank in the stale smell of her hair, the immiscible scent of her, a hint of lemon and Chanel juxtaposing much like her life did.

'Well done you,' Aubrey grinned, consumed by the Irish blue of his eyes. 'But don't rub it in her face, it's bad enough she sees you here pretty much every day of the week. And it's valentines, she was probably already pissed'

'Way to reign on my parade and bruise my ego,' Patrick returned, pouting slightly, pulling awkwardly at the shirt creased from a day of hard labour.

'Don't give me the lip, you know I can't resist the lip' caught up in the moment, Patrick lifted his girlfriend into the air, holding her hips close to his as he carried her to the bedroom.

'I know.' His breath was turning raspy and pirimative.

_February 15th 2010 Forensic Pathology Unit, London _

'New case for you' Leo appeared at Nikki's desk, interrupting her work on a new case study, investigating the hidden effects of chronic toxicity.

'I'm busy, Harry's playing solitaire…'

'It's a case in Cambridge, your alma mater' Leo's kind smile followed. 'I thought it would be an advantage if you looked at it…if it sweetens the deal, take Harry too. We've got one victim and three hospitalized.'

'Are we dealing with a serial killer?' Nikki closed up her research, taking the file in hand.

'Unsure, it could be accidental poisoning. Students aren't known for their sanitary living conditions' Harry interrupted.

'Either way the local police want our opinion, now-' gesturing for them to leave, Leo turned to his office, overhearing his colleagues bickering over who was driving.

_15th Feburary 2010 Cambridge, UK _

'What kind of student were you?' Harry had won the coin toss, much preferring his new Audi to the outdated Saab Nikki drove.

'You were obviously a rugby player.'

'That wasn't the question.'

'You were obviously leading into a boast on how you played second row for the team which won the national university league in 19-outcake' Nikki beamed triumphantly.

'University of Oxford, two years as second row.' Harry confirmed, catching the satisfaction on his colleagues face. 'So go on, what kind of student were you.'

'The studious type' leaving her colourful history of Cambridge at the three-word statement Nikki drew the conversation to an end. Not an hour later they arrived on a leafy suburban street in Cambridge, populated by students wealthy enough to live on campus, sensible enough to avoid the fine cuisine of halls. Nikki wasn't ready to volunteer her intimate knowledge of the area, noting her favourite watering hole still existed, instead diverting conversation to the events of the previous evening.

'Maybe next year Valentines will be more meaningful' Harry stopped the car a few feet short of the crime scene tape cornering off a Victorian block of flats.

'Dr Alexander and Dr Cunningham from the Forensic Pathology unit'

'I'm the lead detective, DC Chapman. I've got four victims I'd like you to look at. One dead, three on their way to the hospital; one critical and two precautionary.' As they climbed three flights of stairs, a worn red door stood open revealing a young woman lying prone on the floor, a pool of vomit emanating from her mouth.

Lifting a tape recorder out of her pocket Nikki stepped forward, 'victim is laying face down, vomit present in mouth.' Harry helped roll the body over, noting the fragility of bones creaking on one another.

'She was beautiful,' he pulled her eyelid, 'Petichiae evident in the eyes. Shall I take a look around?' The central hallway had several doors wedged open against HMO laws. Choosing the one toward the front of the flat Harry stepped over a pile of washing working towards the laundry room. The occupant had left in a hurry, the bed was un-made, a condom wrapper at the foot of the bed.

'Students!' he called back to Nikki, 'the occupant made a hasty exit,' moving toward the photo board above the desk he noted the couple, filling most of the pictures.

'Nikki, in here now!' in a deadpan voice he waited for his colleague, staring at the photo of her on the wall.

'What…' looking round the room Nikki felt her stomach lurch, she recognised these belongings. The textbooks on the table, the characteristic detritus collecting dust on the table, 'Harry cover for me, I need to go.'

Without waiting for a response Nikki was gone, her overall discarded before she reached the tape on the street below.

Harry studied the picture; obviously taken during the previous summer, judging by the wispy brown braids Nikki was sporting. 'Leo, this case just got a whole lot more interesting. How soon can you get here?'


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow, thank you one and all for your amazing responses. My ego was inflated nicely! I'm working on chapter 3 as we speak so I figured it was only fair to post chapter 2! Feedback is loved, as always. Enjoy!_

**Between Finger and Thumb**

_My friends we've seen it all, triumphs to drunken falls and our bones are broken still, but our hearts are joined until_

_February 15th 2010 Donegal, Ireland _

'You are through to the Eire Biotechnic, Freya O'Connell isn't available to take your call, leave a message and I'll get back to you…eventually' frustrated by another answering machine Nikki huffed loudly, waiting for the polite pause.

'Fe it's Geek, have you heard from Aub's recently? I've just attended a scene at her flat, there's been some kind of poisoning and you need to get here now. I'm not sure what's going on….' The answering machine clicked to a stop, the house was already empty, a hastily packed case missing from atop the cupboard.

_Feburary 15th 2010 Cambridge, UK_

Hurtling through the glass doors of A&E in North Cambridge General Nikki battled towards the reception desk, explaining her story in a brief few sentences.

'Aubery,' Nikki stormed through the doors to infectious intensive care. 'You have a patient, Aubrey Wills, I'm her Godmother, I must see her immediately.'

'Geek?' spinning on her axis Nikki felt the quaking body of a young woman press against her. Wracking sobs filled the morbid waiting room.

'You should have phoned me.' Ignoring the turmoil of her charge Nikki let the scold escaped before her mind caught up.

'Padrig….' The subtle Irish change became audible above quietening tears. 'He's on the….'

'Critical list, I know.' Navigating to a worn sofa Nikki soothed anguish away, trying to figure out the next step. 'It appears to be some kind of poisoning.'

'Arsenic' Aubrey smiled, 'my morbid interest in poisons stems from childhood.'

'I am blameless; Godmother's get some kind of free pass. Can you talk me through what happened, starting last night.'

'Pad was in the lab, he's doing molecular biology and bioterrorism. His lab work hasn't been going great- for weeks he'd come home stressed out and cranky. Yesterday though he got some kind of breakthrough; he can't say what it is he does, some kind of security thing or something. My flatmate is also in the same lab, she's jealous of our relationship. He mentioned pissing her off big time, that was before.' The girl paused, 'It was Valentines day and y'know'

Nikki nodded, trying to wipe the image of someone she used to change nappies for having sex. 'We decided to stay in as I've got finals coming up, I'd just fought off the flu and yeah. He went out for food whilst I took a shower and waited to speak to Tay, my flatmate. She'll come home in foul moods, but I'm supportive and listen to her, in limited doses. God I'm such a bad person, I drove her to this-'

'How do you mean.'

'She happened to appear with Paddy, helping him to carry the food upstairs. He'd stopped at the vintage bookshop I adore. I'd admired a book there last weekend, he bought it for me.'

'You loved to have stories read to you as a child.' Aubrey blushed at the memory, between tiring shifts as a junior doctor Nikki would appear with a book in tow. It always calmed her inner moral unease, with bright eyes Aubrey listened attentively, giggling at the twists and turns of Peter Rabbit.

'The shop wraps their books in old-fashioned brown paper, complete with ribbon. Between preparing veggies and marinating the steak Paddy lifted me on the producing the book, he spoils me so; in a moment I thought was private he and I got a bit carried away.'

'Where was Tay at this point?'

'She appeared mid make out, huffing and puffing that we used too much hob space or something…I don't even know.' An alarm stole her attention, the room was filling with doctors as a monitor beeped in alarm. Trying to stand up Aubrey felt a grip stop her, Nikki grabbed at her writhing hands. 'Let me go, I need to be with him. Please, NO!'

Nikki could feel her own heart breaking, the situation was grave and her own knowledge and capability was powerless. The little girl she'd helped raise was experiencing an ache most avoid in a lifetime. 'You can't go in there. They need space.' She heard a gut-wrenching yell as her charge doubled over in pain.

'Aubs?' Releasing her embrace Nikki dropped to the floor.

'Ow,' a fever growing from deep within raged through with agony that would overcome conscious. Feeling the chaotic world drift into a background of white noise and oblivious calm.

'I need some help over here.' Nikki held onto the limp hand, wiping at a brow drenched in sweat. 'You don't get to do this.' She could feel a pulse waxing and waning beneath a gentle touch.

_February 15th 2010 Cambridge, UK _

Light had become a distant memory; the moon grew high above a bustling crime scene. Harry was curious and angered in breaths coming fast and heated. He was irritated that Nikki hadn't told him of her Goddaughter he figured they were good enough friends to share that kind of information. He had opened the door to a slightly embarrassing childhood passion, revealing the cause of a heartache no young boy should endure (a missed career as a pilot, for those that still cared).

'Harry? Why have I just driven out here on date evening?' Leo appeared, dressed in an identical white suite. His bag rattled lightly, revealing an empty state.

'I figured you would want to see this' he beckoned his boss toward the photo wall, pointing to the picture.

'Nikki? This isn't the victims room' he surmised the room wasn't that of the face down blonde still in the hallway.

'Nikki saw this and bolted from the room faster than you can say family. She had that look. She hasn't answered my phone calls, though I know she's up at the hospital, talking to the rooms owner.' Harry packed away his tools, cleaning the camera more thoroughly than normal.

'She'll have her reasons Harry'

'I didn't say she wouldn't Leo. I'm just worried for a friend.'

'No, you're pissed as hell you didn't know about this before. Let's go get some answers.'

_February 16th 2010, Cambridge UK _

The calm of night had descended with a weighty curtain of dread. Crumpled on a plastic chair Nikki was sure scoliosis would occur before any improvement happened. Rising to stretch her back she noted, with futile hope, no improvement. The bed's occupant was amidst a narcotic nightmare, alternating between a silent whimper and audible names.

She hadn't noticed the two men hunched over the plated window, knowing who they were without focussing her exhausted eyes.

'Can I come in?' Leo had already crossed the threshold.

'You are already.' Nikki retorted, her gaze half fixed on the monitors. 'Harry's pissed with me, isn't he?'

'Understandably he's a little vexed' Leo moved a chair in close. 'Who's our mysterious lady then.' Twenty somethings' were still in that awkward stage of being young women who were often unwilling to accept such a grown up title.

'Aubrey Wills, my Goddaughter.' Nikki suppressed the proud smile. 'I was hoping to introduce her in more appropriate circumstances.' Doing some simple math Leo was surprised at the relatively small age gap between mentor and mentee.

'University is such a wonderful time, Leo. You get a free pass to drink too much, prank one another, and sleep with whomever you fancy.'

'Meaning?'

'You're good at maths' Nikki chastised

'True, you can't have been very old,' Leo faltered, the choice of Godparent is personal; it's a projection of love that ensures that your own offspring will be cared for no matter what. Adults experienced in wisdom and, for the most part, stability are perfectly poised for such a role. Students, barely able to care for themselves are an entirely different case.

'The Catholic faith is a wicked demon sometimes; ####### children are still cast a horrific shadow.' Beyond the curtain she could make Harry out, his nose pressed against the window with a soft steam building beneath. 'I couldn't help but get involved. My father's abandonment….' Anger chorused through tears as gravity slammed another dancing blow.

'Take a break, grab us all some coffee' Leo smiled, reaching over to swat at the moisture falling delicately down Nikki's face, tiny shattered diamonds of a dream coating her skin with the delicacy of porcelain.

Harry opened the door, pulling her into his chest, closing the gap of uncertainty to a crevice. Her tears soaked into his shirt; his friendship accepting them like a sponge to water.


	3. Chapter 3

I must extend an apology for the delay; I've had university commitments kicking my sorry butt all over the field! No excuse, but I hope this extra long chapter will make up for it?

**December 20th 1991 Hampstead, London**

'Mummy, mummy, mummy it's Geek! Geek's here!' harassed from a string of difficult shifts Nikki had forgone a phone call to ask if it were ok to drop by. In fact she hadn't been able to sleep and figured a few hours of three year old entertaining could relax her over stretched mind.

'And she's gonna tickle you to death' in a bundle of squeals and giggles the elder came off worst, pinned beneath a vivacious three year old almost quivering with excitement.

'You didn't ring.' A stressed Irish accent emanated from a tiny, worn kitchen, it's occupant stood guard over a cooling stove.

'I'm sorry,' Nikki knew the butterfly effect well; she saw it in motion on a daily basis. A person got bad news and the family crumbled, like a target missile packed with shrapnel life exploded and the world would stop. Freya's world stopped three years ago.

'I'll take the spud out for a few hours, maybe go over the Heath?' The offer fell on deaf ears, sounds of passive aggressive filling the damp flat. 'Freya?'

'Sure, I've got nothing better to do.' Busying between chores Freya stopped, picking up a stray boot on the floor. 'You'll be needing this.'

Nikki nodded, eyeing her friend with concern, 'maybe I'll pick up some cupcakes and coffee and you can talk to me. Spud!' Aubrey appeared right on cue trailing a woolen coat and pink scarf precariously.

'I couldn't find my other…'

'You're fantastic mummy found it,' Nikki smiled 'go give her a giant fairy hug and toad kisses.'

'I don't want toad kisses' despite holding the world aloft with one very weary hand Freya was amazed. Each and every day a satisfying sense of achievement would seep in between the moments of conscious and sleep. It belonged to a moral contentment that what could have been a wasted life was in fact a happy, healthy, well adjusted three year old none the worse for a bad situation.

'Yes you do mummy,' Aubrey huffed, her arms outstretched to the beacon in her sky.

'Ok then, but I give as good as I get.'

**Feburary 16th 2010, Cambridge, UK **

'I'm sorry Harry' her voice was unrecognizable, muddied in emotion. I should have told you…'

'Some things are too close to tell' he replied softly, his heart breaking with each jerky movement she made, tear stains embedded with mascara.

'You're the other side of,' a sob escaped, he instinctively pulled her closer- her legs pressed into his side.

'I know' Harry's voice broke, the thought of his child being born from a one night stand was too much to deal with, icing atop a cake of inherent destructive traits. Reminders of debauchery are treated with contempt and unwilling acceptance. 'It gives me a special point of view.'

'Does it?' her countenance was reflexive. His part in such debauchery lasted, at best, a few hours. The implications? Well, those lasted for a lifetime. The lifetime of an offspring granted the handsome inquisition of well-bred paternal genes coupled against the mild determination of an immature matriarch.

Harry couldn't conjure up a witty answer, nor could he laugh it away with humor. It was a question destined to hang in the sterile air, between superbug and the stench of death he'd become so accustomed to.

**March 6th 1994 Hampstead, London **

'Geek, I'm too grown up for walks in the park!' Nikki couldn't believe a five year old was capable of being so petulant.

'Not even if you can take a friend?' clutching a mug of steaming coffee Nikki inwardly cursed Freya's decision to track Aubrey's father down. He'd sent a mysterious letter enclosing a ticket to Cambridge.

'Well, I suppose.' Settling on the sofa beside her Godmother Aubrey was curious. Her mother never left without explaining what she'd be up to. Cuddling in enough to spill coffee down Nikki's top the five-year-old snuggled close.

'Spud?' a faint sob could be heard, 'there's no need to cry,'

'Mummy never leaves me like that.' Words rattled out in choking, raspy breaths. It's a scientific fact that a child's understanding increases with age, Nikki had spent time reading on the subject in depth at university. She knew that perhaps a child would absorb a situation long before they could understand it's implications or that other children would understand things faster than they could explain it, stuck in a limbo of innocence. Aubrey was enigmatic; her father was the same a conundrum of elaborate lies and charismatic hope.

**Feburary 16th 2010 Cambridge, UK**

'My name is Professor Wills, I must see my daughter, Aubrey' a lanky man, weathered by a dysfunctional life cemented his point with a soft fist hitting the desk.

'Room 105,' Cornering at a fierce pace Thom Wills was put out, a sofa set into the alcove housed a couple, one of whom he recognized. She had aged gently, her skin still dewy with the luxury of singlehood. He didn't want to interrupt the moment, she was oblivious to his arrival, nestled into the arms of a handsome man, her partner he supposed.

'Dr Alexander, I..' her face was grey scaled, translucent skin marred with day old mascara trails and delicate wrinkles tracing a map of idle hope. He startled her, the inherent submissive reflex of student teacher rapport taking over.

'It's arsenic poisoning, but she is responding to treatment.' Nikki followed him into the room, simultaneously drying her eyes and quelling the nauseous feeling with a slow deep breath. The cliché was heart breaking; behind the strong willed young woman was a little girl, desperate to have the paternal force of love envelope and devour pain. The contrast between an aged, wrinkled hand grasping a tiny doll like one left her buckling inside, retracing her steps to the hallway. Passing Leo and Harry holding a whispering court she fled, with speed towards the ladies toilet; collapsing into the door with a 16th 2010 Cambridge, UK

'Well at least we know you aren't superwoman' defensive humour broke the tension as Harry passed sugary coffee towards his colleague. A small unintelligible grunt escaped; body weight shifting too early. A wave of discord reaching the length of her spine, 'don't try and sit up yet' he cajoled her shoulders back down, fixing her pillows.

'It's been a while since I saw him' she closed her eyes against the dim light. 'He- '

'He's an obvious weekend father, mmhm.' Harry knew several old colleagues who'd lost out on love over jobs that consumed time and mind, leaving no place for such luxury as love and family.

'Might I suggest you grab a hotel somewhere? You'll be no use to anyone if you don't rest and eat' Harry wasn't intending it to be a question but her drained face left him incapable of being strict.

**Feburary 17th 2010, Cambridge UK**

It had taken much persuasion and the promise of a return trip to the hospital first thing to get Nikki to leave. There wasn't a whole lot to be done, treatments were in progress and sleep had been induced, albeit synthetic. The generic calm of a hotel room left her un-nerved; with room key still in hand she'd curled up on the scratchy throw, unable to move or cry anymore. Her mind was still going at speed, warping the desiccation into delirium.

'So,' balancing on the bed edge Harry handed over a plastic cup of wine.

'So what?' Nikk sat up, propping herself up against the pillows.

'So, what happens now, are we going to share some sickeningly happy stories and you'll show me pictures on your phone or whatever?'

'Not now, I'm not trashy enough to carry photos with me everywhere.' The glint of a smile crossed her face, unbeknown to Harry. 'It's not such a perfect relationship' the sadness whispered in her voice.

**August 20th 1998 Heathrow Airport, London**

'You promised Geek!' tears slipped down a redden face, curls moistened by the innocent heartache children get when someone departs.

'I know I did' Nikki crouched to the ground, 'and I'm still here for you. Mama has your address and I've booked you a flight for the half term. You'll see me in less than two months.'

'But you stop by every week' fresh tears raced after old as Nikki's heart shattered from millions to trillions of pieces. 'And South Africa is a dangerous place, mummy said so' reaching to undo her necklace.

'How's about you wear this' gently replacing the swallow locket on her goddaughter. 'And that way I never leave you?'

Teasing apart folded arms Nikki drank in that unique moment, the precipice of hope and fear whipping up the stormy path of adventure. 'I'm going to miss you Aubrey Wills'

'I'm going to miss you too Nicola Alexander'

**January 25th 2010 London, UK **

It had been on Harry's insistence following the shoot out. Once a week they'd slip out of the office, head to a hidden suburban pub and give each other an hour to talk through what had happened. Both stubborn to a point they'd refused professional counselling, figuring they'd spot signs of emotional distress before a stranger. Initially Harry had prised information from Nikki, the misconstrued tale behind her captor sent shivers down his spine; she merely consumed another glass of white wine.

'What I want to know is how adults fail at raising children?' the sentence sounded a lot more intellectual given their state of intoxication. With slurred speech and a shooter of tequila they set the world to rights; the shimmering candles for company.

'Did you mean what you said?' disinhibited by an un-drivable blood alcohol 'when you were dealing with your mother's infidelity'

'Yes,' the moment was imprinted to his mind, the skirt just long enough to let him imagine the beauty beneath, her hair delicately pulled from her face belaying her loose way with men in the past.

'I don't even know if I want children, the nappies and the constant concern for another human' Nikki swirled the last remaining mouthful with purpose; changing her mind with each circadian motion.

'The un-conditional love' Harry interjected.

'Well there is that,' Nikki smiled at him 'Do you want children?'

'Yes,' the honest answer lacked a gimmicky joke, his eyes intensely focussed in on her.

**Janurary 26****th**** 2010 London, UK **

It wasn't meant to happen like it had. In her mind they would be at some conference abroad and staying in a beautiful hotel with a balcony. Her lofty house in a quiet street was more practical, neither was able to drive and she was too drunk to go home alone. Initially he'd promised to only help her into some pyjamas, but her internal drive kicked in. Before either consciously realized, Harry too was naked, his instinct pining her defenceless to the bed, squirming with the near climactic passion. He didn't need a manual to build her into frenzy, his warm, whiskey laced breath steaming trails of lust down her neck, pausing over the abundance of her cleavage, peering from a delicate bra. With hands entwined it was the skill of Harry's teeth that removed her underwear, teasing her senses with a slow, languid speed. With the symphonic unison of a well trained orchestra he fulfilled her, rocking his hips with hers giving her no out as her breath quickened, ragged in the 4 am silence. Greedily swallowing air Harry felt his own crescendo arrive, forcing the energy from every muscle fibre in his body, leaving his heart racing and his mouth contorted into a satisfied smile.

Cradling her unconscious form close enough to feel each heart beat Harry pondered his luck for that brief moment between conscious and sleep.

_love Iona _

_p.s I love reviews like Harry loves Nikki, promise! x _


	4. Chapter 4

_I'd like to extend a boatload of graditude to those who've taken time to review. It warms my soul and spurs me to write more. So, review and let me know where you'd like the story to go? Yes? Flawsinscience x _

**October 19****th**** 2009 London, UK **

He'd raced to the airport the minute Leo let slip of her whereabouts. The past fortnight had blurred before him, the internal shock of almost being blown apart left him uneasy. He was well schooled on the chaos theory and butterfly effect; secretly he loved to ponder them in moments of nothing. The enforced days off had been long and sleep deprived, every time his eyelids met the memory of Nikki being helped from the Lyle building filled his head. She'd looked so broken and timid.

'Nikki' half muttering, half shouting he raced from check in desk to check in desk. He knew her flight would leave soon, unlike his relaxed self she preferred to whisk through airports, avoiding stale coffee and cotton candy sweet sales assistants.

He spotted her in the distance, at the end of a long security queue. 'Nikki' his voice travelled over the airy building.

'Harry, why are you here?' she hated airport goodbyes; to her they belonged in movie moments, set to the backdrop of some tacky soundtrack.

'I couldn't let you leave…' he stopped, despite her crease free dress and relatively tidy hair (Nikki's hair never looked perfect, besides Dinner dances) she looked worn. Dark circles were hidden under dewy make up, hurriedly applied with a shaky hand.

'Harry, I didn't want you following me here' she sounded ashamed, stepping out of the queue to address him properly.

'You should stay, I want to be here for you, I know the past fortnight hasn't been easy. I'm' he faltered, trying not to cry in front of her, 'I'm still struggling with it myself.'

'Don't tell me what to do Harry, I'm going to South Africa to deal with it' she couldn't meet his gaze. It wasn't for him to know that she had therapy lined up whilst she was there.

'Perfect, you always run away from things, you ran away from South Africa back to the UK. Now you're running again.' The uncontrollable rage bubbled inside him, fireballs of tension forcing his blood to boiling point.

'I'm not running away. If you must know I'm going for a case, an apartheid thing has come up.' She placed a cooling hand on his, trying to quell him back to reason.

'That's what most people call running away' he mused wryly.

'An old university friend specializing in PTSD has also offered to counsel me if I need to talk. Which I do, and I think you do too.' She moved closer, preparing to give him a parting hug.

'You're coming back though, right?'

'Yes, anyway you and Leo are due out in just over a month. Things will seem better by then, I promise.' She wasn't able for anymore protests; he opened his mouth and shut it again. Closing the gap between them he embraced her for a few seconds longer than customary, pressing a kiss into her hair.

'Don't do anything I wouldn't.' he shot her a wicked grin, watching as she disappeared into the queue once more.

**September 20****th**** 2010 Guy's Hospital, London UK **

To them it was a momentous occasion, fraught by months of throwing up and rick-rolling emotion. In a calmly lit room, at the modernistic hospital that persistently picked up pieces of Joe public, a boy was born; perfect to those who already loved him. Whispering words of encouragement the 38 year old accepted the near bone breaking vice on his left hand. It was his contribution to the whole process. 'Perhaps you could sit behind your wife, help ease her pain?' the midwife's suggestion fell on alert ears, he remembered watching a non-descript American drama where an unsuspecting junior doctor helped deliver the boss' baby.

'Harry I can't….' He soothed her protests, lifting her weary body close to his, simultaneously applying a cool flannel. 'No more sex for you ever…' he merely chuckled, feeling her relax into his embrace, gaining energy for another round.

'Most mum's say that, you're so very close Dr.' a prepared table and weary doctor stood ready. They'd had word of a heart condition not thought to be particularly life threatening, however only prompt assessment would tell.

'Owwww' one final push brought a screaming child into the world. Placed onto the very bump he'd appeared from both parents helped dry baby off, heart warming cries filling the room.

'He's….he's amazing.'

'He's wrinkly.' She concluded, with a weary grunt. Whisked away for assessment the little one stretched an arm out, beady unseeing eyes 'go with him Harry…he needs his dad.'

**December 30****th**** 1998 Johannesburg, South Africa **

The bitter winter air of London was a distant memory for Freya; she'd accepted the return airfare to warmer climes gratefully. Aubrey, sporting a healthy sun kissed glow, was running riot around the courtyard of Nikki's house. She hated to admit how much happier her best friend was, surrounded by colleagues who supported her work.

'I'm gonna getcha' Nikki tailed after Aubrey with fresh enthusiasm. Her accent was slowly returning, colloquialisms seeping into the correct English she'd spoken for years.

**February 16****th**** 8 am Cambridge, UK **

Rapidly untangling herself from a tight embrace Nikki Alexander ran towards the tiny en suite bathroom. Expelling the small contents of her stomach she quickly rinsed, reaching to turn the shower on.

'Is this whole feeling ill, spewing thing a common occurrence?' Harry appeared at the door, clad only in boxers. Nikki shot him a despondent glance, pushing the door to a close.

'Nikki,' he thumped the door, hearing her step into the shower. He flicked the television on, numbly consuming the 24-hour news flicker with distain. The case they were on had made national press, several sources of the arsenic poisoning flickering along the ticker tape.

'Several students have been taken ill, three from one flat currently under police investigation.' The news reporter concluded, stood just outside the hospital doors. 'We understand that the deceased and one critically ill victim are studying at the secure bioterrorism lab within the university, another victim is said to be the girlfriend of a bioterrorism student. It is still unclear if this has been linked to any rouge groups under Scotland Yard security.'

'Bollocks' Nikki emerged from the steaming bathroom, hair wrapped tightly in a towel. 'Press is all we need for the investigation. The SIO will be blinkered beyond belief and we'll never get to the correct conclusion. Dammit.'

'Hey, it's early days yet; Aubrey and Patrick should be well enough to interview today. There's no need to go freaking out yet.' Knowing Harry was, as per usual, correct she reached for her shoes.

'You promised me a return trip.'

**February 16****th**** North Cambridge General, Cambridge, UK 6pm**

Winter sunlight, weary from a bright day lay as a backdrop for happy news. Two critical patients were being rebranded to low priority, moving from a world of alarms and beeping to one of noisy, demanding patients.

'You missed dinner' the nurse smiled apologetically, 'but if you're up to it I'd con one of your visitors'

'Will do' still covered in several monitors Aubrey wasn't particularly hungry, her body felt out of sorts. 'Is there any word on Paddy?'

'Nothing more than he's been put onto a general ward, no news is good news though.' Adjusting cables to sit in an orderly manner the nurse noted recordings and left the room.

'I'll order in from your favourite place, get some soup from Charlie's?' Thom Wills had barely left his daughter, he'd watched her struggle to breathe, loose the fight with a ventilator, wake up and return to her old self in the course of less than a day.

There had been no word from Freya; Thom had begrudgingly tried to contact her several times, leaving voicemails giving brief updates on the situation in hand. Too drowsy to really care Aubrey's main concern was Patrick, although he wasn't privy to their relationship Thom suspected Freya wasn't speaking to her daughter. It wasn't his to care why she wasn't, but he knew mother and daughter spoke the same fiery tongue, premature tempers leading to hasty words of disgust.

Nikki had stopped by earlier in the day, relieved to see her Goddaughter looking better. After promising to visit over the weekend to check progress she'd left; an imminent backlog at the lab meant she was needed back in London.

**November 30****th**** 2009 Capetown, South Africa **

Sara had promised Harry a final slap up dinner, between the two of them on the eve of his return to the UK. In line with her personality Nikki had denied being anything other than fine when he'd arrived. In truth she did look a lot more relaxed and her skin had this beautiful tint.

'I'm sorry to be so forward but I need an honest outside opinion.' Harry explained over dinner. 'Is anything different about Nikki?'

'How'd you mean?' she had Nikki's confidence to keep. Sara had been the one to collect her from the airport, seeing the drawn appearance and troubled countenance first hand.

'I don't know how much she's told you..' he sipped at the crisp white wine they'd chosen, 'before she came out to South Africa there was a shooting at the university where we're based.'

'We saw it on the news here.' Sara confirmed, 'Nikki said she'd had a tough time of late, she wouldn't let on that something was up, but it definitely was.'

His insides turned at the thought of someone so dear to him not being able to talk. 'You've got to understand what Nikki was like before.' His eyes lit up, she never spoke of her personal life in Africa, only of her work and how hard Jo Berg had been. 'Nikki felt loss in a fairly catastrophic way. Of course she had fun, we all did. Rolling into the path lab still drunk from the night before, when we were young and naïve.' Sara smiled at the memory; she'd slur answers into cadavers whilst Nikki got the giggles. 'One of our really good friends Marty, an Afrikaner died.'

'Why does this have any relevance on the shooting?'

'Marty was shot dead a month before she returned to the UK, he'd been promised a spot on the Springboks. I think a little piece of her died that night and since then she's been running, she ran from Africa and she's running from the UK.'

He needed a moment to absorb the information, not wishing to press the issue Harry interpreted Sara's explanation as unfrequented love. 'Has she been seeing anyone over here?'

'Anton you mean? Come on Harry you aren't that stupid.'

'No, she mentioned seeing someone professionally. We both turned down counselling after the shooting,' Harry looked to the bottom of his emptying wine glass. He'd spoken with Leo several times, trying to process the sheer human nature shown by Jason. With the creeping darkness of night he'd wake with a thin veil of sweat covering him. Her face always bled through the foggy images, the trauma etched with each threat she'd endured.

'I asked her to go and see one of our classmates, he specializes in PTSD, I think they met several times. '

'Good, I'm glad she got some help.' Harry rolled the glass between finger and thumb, contemplating the discussions that took place. In the distance he could hear soft chorals of a choir.

'Let me settle the bill, you need to hear them sing.' Like a parishioner answering the prayer bell Sara flitted from the table, briefly speaking to the waiter. Slipping along the quiet street Sara pulled Harry out onto the lit plaza, colourful outfits dazzling as a choir sang out the national anthem.

'Harry, if you love Nikki as much as you think, chase and stop her running away. You're a good man.' His heart swelled with Sara's honesty. She had an innate ability to read body language, Nikki wasn't suited to Anton, but her misguided emotions led her to him and as a friend Sara supported them. That was until Harry had appeared, the synchrony between supposed colleagues left her jealous of such love.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Apologies for the delay in updating this fic, I'm stuck in some kind of exam hell purgatory with no escape for at least a month. Boo! _**

* * *

_April 4th 2010 Cambridge Train Station, UK_

Passers by stopped to witness the demure couple wrapped up against a shady April chill. The obvious care for one another was palpable; he held her hand, lovingly running his finger across her closed fist. Braced against his opposite shoulder was her rather large, cumbersome weekend bag, she had a meeting to attend in London, he had an assignment to be handed in. Much though he'd prefer to take in the sights and sounds of the capital with her clasped to his side immunotechnology in bio warfare awaited his attention. She knew being out of the way would lessen his distraction, his study methods lay juxtaposed with hers, requiring solitude and silence over her propensity to listen to intellectual podcasts. (Secretly, they both had a penchant for facebook, though neither was admitting to it).

'You know, my coursework isn't that important' he explained hopefully, 'I can write it when you're out at the meeting and…'

'You're still not fit to travel Pad, stay and do your work like a good boy and I'll maybe bring you something nice back from London' he pulled her in close, perfectly understanding what she hadn't said. He was still under the weather, capable of sleeping up to twelve hours a night.

'You better not hit on all those male models you know' puppy dog eyes caused her to give a deep, raspy laugh.

'I won't.' Aubrey leant in close, wrapping herself tightly into his embrace, 'I better-'

'Yeah, don't want to miss your train.' Sharing one last, lingering kiss she pushed through the barrier, making an idiot of herself as her bag tangled. Patrick merely smiled, some guys would find her dorky side embarrassing but he didn't. It was endearing to know that such an amazing girl had moments of failure; and she's my dork he figured, waving till she disappeared onto the track.

_June 2000 London, UK _

'There's mail mama,' jumping down the last few steps with excitement Aubrey lifted the letters into a bundle, sifting through them before reaching her mum. 'Hey, there's one here for me.' Chucking the bundle of bills onto a near by table the excited pre adolescent ripped at the seal with anticipation.

_Dear Ms Wills, _

_We are extremely pleased to offer you a place at our private boarding school, Willow Creek School, Cambridgeshire. On behalf of an important benefactor we have secured you a place staying at one of our homely boarding houses. We anticipate your letter of acceptance and look forward to being part of your formative years of education. _

_Yours, _

_Mrs Richardson, head of Willow Creek _

'What?' Freya darted into the small living room, snatching the letter trying to quench the anger rising inside her. 'Stupid, bloody man, what does he think he's playing at?'

'Who mama?' Aubrey took the letter back into her hand, cradling it like a gold ticket.

'Your son of a sod father, I guess we should talk about him a bit, I haven't been totally straight with you butterfly.' Freya motioned to the sofa, curling herself against the cushions at one end, watching her daughter do the same on the other. Lay before them was the letter, a symbolic gesture of an absentee father, incapable of omnipresent love.

'You know who he is don't you?' Aubrey drank in her mother's emotion with impeccable acuity, stuck in some kind of shameful abyss Freya was on the precipice of tears.

'You're father is dean of the medical school at Cambridge University.' It sounded a lot more impressive out loud; in reality he was a cocky academic with a propensity for charm.

'What? You mean my father is rich? That you let me stay here…' Aubrey stood up, motioning to the small flat. 'Why don't I see him? Why can't we live together? Mama, why?'

'You don't see him because he chose not to see you. He has a family and a life in Cambridge, one he supports with a string of loose students.' The tears wouldn't come as Freya stood up, carefully trying to read her enigmatic daughter.

'If he doesn't love me, then why am I being sent an offer for this place, some kind of up market boarding school?' The letter almost creased under a clenched fist, waving in the air like a third riche flag.

'I have no idea why? I'm just as shocked as you are. It's something you and I will need to discuss. I need to speak to him as well.' Aubrey sank to the floor, curling her knees close.

'I want to go mama, but that is so very bad of me.' Freya knelt to her daughter, cuddling her close, rubbing gentle circles on the broken girls back.

_April 4__th__ 2010, Paddington Station, London UK _

'You really didn't need to drop me off,' Nikki scolded, unbuckling her seatbelt.

'It's fine; I'll take her luggage, give you guys the chance to get properly caught up. Anyway I'm still worried about you' he was silent referring to her cross with anxiety and a propensity to throw up each morning. She had failed to tell him that she was getting freaked out over an upcoming test she would be getting. The doctor she'd been to see (a very dear, old friend) had asked to give her MRI scans to evaluate the physical changes her brain may have gone under with post-traumatic stress. A follow up request had arrived just prior to the accident.

'Well thank you, I'll be back soon,' she smiled and shut the door, crossing the busy road with care. Announcement after announcement reverberated around the airy station, holidaymakers standing like rocks in a river of businessmen and women. Amidst the crowd Nikki spotted her goddaughter, absentmindedly flicking about on her phone.

'Spud' she quickened her walk, embracing the girl with love.

'Geek, I was about to call.' Aubrey smiled; through layers of make up Nikki could see the toll of recent illness. Her frame had lost a dress size and her eyes looked wired from too much coffee.

'Yeah, Harry's here, he's offered to take your bags whilst we go and get a drink or something.' Nikki lifted the bag onto her shoulder, leading the way through the crowds.

'Ace, I like Harry by the way,' Nikki rolled her eyes, not another one she thought. Leo's gentle nudges at more than friendship were becoming far too commonplace these days.

'Harry is my best friend, my style is more highly inappropriate men' Nikki countered, pointing at the audi sitting idle across the road. 'Be nice' she warned playfully, opening the boot to store the luggage.

'Harry, it's nice to see you again,' Aubrey had an air of mockery in her statement, awkwardly shaking hands with Harry.

'I hear you are a candidate for internship with us,' he replied, full of his handsome charm.

'I am indeed. Though I'll be working with the National History Museum if I am successful. I only aim to use your impressive labs really.'

'Funny, that's what she said years ago.' Harry nodded at Nikki who merely chortled.

'What can I say Harry, I created a monster.' It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes, listening to Nikki's plan to catch up with both Harry and Leo for dinner at a new eatery close to the lab.

'Behave you two' Harry got into his car, sitting for a moment to admire his friends amazing figure, animatedly explaining a story as they beat a path down the road.

_June 2000 Cambridge, UK _

'Are you sure you want to do this?' Freya held her daughters hand, sitting outside the office of Professor Wills. Aubrey had asked her dad to meet, which he had, if they met on his terms. Freya disliked being back in Cambridge, it reminded her of monumentally happy times, quenched under the overwhelming shame that still haunted her.

'I'm ready mama' they both jumped up as the door opened, revealing an older man dressed in a summer shirt and tan chinos. Salt and Pepper hair framed an experienced face.

'Ms Riley' he nodded 'Aubrey.' He looked as unsure as his daughter, offering a hand to shake. Aubrey reached out, freaked out by seeing someone who looked much like she did.

'Professor Wills, I mean dad, I mean what do I call you?' fluster was hidden behind tamed curls, shifting about her burning cheeks.

'Dad's fine I guess. I'll bet you're wondering what's been happening recently…?' He ended the statement more like a sentence, watching his daughter, his beautiful daughter nod her head. 'Freya, you know most of what I'd like to discuss with Aubrey, maybe give us some free time? The coffee house is still open.'

Freya's first concern was her daughter who seemed to agree. Thom Wills epitomised the sure, relaxing demeanour of a doctor. 'Its ok mama, you go on. I'll call if I need you' Aubrey nodded and followed her father into the office.

_April 4th 2010 London, UK_

They'd decided on a retro hot chocolate café, filled with deep, comfy sofas. Nikki had denied Freya's pleas for coffee, explaining that with pupils so pinpoint she wasn't getting any more. They'd both settled on hot chocolates with the works, choosing apple cake to share.

'You have been looking after yourself' Nikki jibed, watching Aubrey nod slowly.

'Yeah, I know I don't look it but I'm ok, things are just tricky with Pad and what with needing to move out…' Arran's body had yet to be released, until they made further headway with the case, Arran would be a guest at the Lyle Center. 'It'll be weird, y'know. Arran's there isn't she?'

'Her body is, but she's not Aubs' Nikki replied sadly.

'I don't feel like I can grieve for her properly, I've been living at Pad's, taking care of him really. He's still requiring some treatment.' Aubrey paused, letting the foamy cream dissipate in her mouth. 'He's prone to an electrolyte imbalance, it can come on so quickly.'

'And needs treating rapidly, it's a rare side effect that should improve with time.' Nikki concluded solemly. 'But apart from that he's coping ok.'

'Yeah, he hates needles though, so he's like a big kid, not that he's not the rest of the time. It's hard for him to see me so messed up as well, he likes to protect me and it's not really possible at the moment.' Aubrey's eyes lit up, describing her relationship. 'Nothing like a near death toxin to bring out the love eh?' Nikki smiled, staring into her cooling mug of hot chocolate.

'Why wasn't your mama there spud?' It was proof of their relationship to hear Nikki speak in such an intimate manner. 'I left a message, I texted her.'

'We're not speaking.' Aubrey explained.

'You are just as stubborn as her, haven't you guys spoken at all?'

'She sent a Christmas present, she emails occasionally to let me know which far off land she's currently in. But no, not really. You and father are enough.'

'Well she'll probably visit soon I'm guessing, you're graduation is coming up. You owe her that much?' Nikki chided, she wasn't stuck in the middle per say. She was upset with Freya too; it had only recently become apparent that Thom had attempted a relationship with his daughter much earlier than Freya concluded.

_June 2000_

'You're a wonderful girl' Thom replied, entranced by his daughters regale of a busy life, shining at a failing school, spending summers in South Africa with her godmother, a former pupil of his, championing in dance at the London School of Ballet.

'I don't understand why you've got me enrolled at this school father,' the term dad was for a closer patriarch and his offspring. Thom was still a bit of a stranger to Aubrey.

'I knew it would take a huge gesture from me to make your mother realise that I was, am serious about helping to raise you. I know she's been a fantastic mother to you so far; you're well adjusted and happy. But I know that where you live in London isn't a good place. I want this best chance for you.' Aubrey found herself blushing profusely; staring into the cup of tea he'd offered her.

'Anyway, it's not a big deal; my wife was the one to push me into getting you a spot. She's a senior teacher there.'

'You never told me you were married. Do I have any brothers and sisters?' The thought hadn't entered her mind, was she really an only child? Aubrey had experienced a world full of adults, she had lots of friends in school and saw them regularly, but her mama would often ask her to go straight from school and spend her afternoons in the house alone. It wasn't an ideal arrangement but cautious neighbours would knock and make sure she was ok.

'No, Ginny can't have children' there was a sadness in his eyes, 'we tried for years. I guess it's why I had dalliances. You are my only child and I want to make sure you want for nothing.' Thom smiled

'So this school, tell me about it?' Aubrey moved to the edge of her seat, putting the teacup down.

'It's a fantastic place, my sister went there you know. It's boarding school, which means not being around your old life but it's amazing, you can do any sport, dancing as well. They specialize in science, an interest of yours' Aubrey blushed again, wondering how he knew all of this information, 'I talked to your school, they told me you were keen to be a scientist or a doctor.'

'I want to be like my godmother, her job sounds fun. She works out how people died'

'Indeed, but for you to succeed, you need a good education and this place will give you it. If you say yes I'll be around and you can visit your mother in London whenever you like. I promise' It was easy for Thom Wills to forget just how young his daughter was, her stoic childhood left her with a wisdom beyond her years.

'If mama is ok with it I'd like to visit this school, make my mind up then?' the well reasoned answer made Thom smile.

'Ok, then we have a plan. Now, I hope your mother hasn't stuffed herself at the coffee house, Ginny's cooked a wonderful meal to celebrate you and I meeting.' Thom rose from his seat, 'perhaps you can text your mother, I'm afraid technology sometimes eludes me.' Aubrey giggled, pulling her phone out.


	6. Chapter 6

_**April 6**__**th**__** 2010 London, UK **_

Whistling along to the soft waves of radio 2 consuming the kitchen Aubrey keened a look at the morning paper, found crisp on the doorstep. The coffee had been easy to suss, sat on the shelf next to a range of old mugs. A paper bag inscribed in tasteful scrawl denoted the full flavoured sweet bean of choice. She had to admit, her godmother did have taste for coffee, much better than the shop bought stuff Patrick insisted on.

'You're up early' Nikki slid effortlessly across the slate floors, her tiny feet enjoying the freedom of thick socks before being unceremoniously stuffed in heels. The extra four inches were necessary, Nikki played in a man's world where swagger made the day run smoothly.

'Force of habit' Aubrey stretched back, the vestiges of sleep tangled in her stiff muscles.

'Wait until you get a fulltime job, then I'll have you back' Nikki grinned, stealing the style section from it's hiding spot between the sports pages, an unsung metaphor for her life.

'Haha, so I'm getting my own flat for the summer?' Aubrey joked, bringing the coffee mug to her lips to hide an uncertain expression.

'If Leo decides to hire you, we'll work something out' Nikki replied, wrapping her hands around her own mug, warming the chill from her body. 'You should find out this morning, Leo, Harry and I are going up the Heath for a walk with the new woman in Leo's life.'

'Janet's lovely' Aubrey quipped.

'I didn't mean Janet. They got a dog, you know, trial child and all that.' Nikki couldn't hide her amusement at Leo's logic; dogs were at times more work than children could be.

'Harry'll be there' Aubrey flinched as the newspaper collided with her arm.

'If you're quick I'll buy you breakfast at the diner we used to go to. JoJo still does a mean omelette.'

_**March 15**__**th**__** 2010 Cambridge, UK **_

Neither of them was truly ready. Neatly covered in head to toe black, save a flash of designer red on the under sole of her shoes, they stepped into the overcrowded chapel.

'How many of these people actually knew Arran?' Patrick shrugged his shoulder, bringing a frail Aubrey closer to his side. Health was slowly being restored, namely in weekends at her father's, eating home cooked food and playing scrabble till their minds ached.

'You don't need to speak' Patrick reminded, motioning to the very front pew, valiantly ignoring the whispers of distant acquaintances.

'No I want to, insufferable though she was, Arran was my friend; a very good friend.' A silent tear prickled a path between dried foundation; evaporating into trenches of concealer.

_**April 6**__**th**__** 2010 London, UK **_

Nikki took longer than anticipated to get ready, losing a wellie-boot and her sunglasses in the chaos theory of her room. Despite perfecting an innate ability to co-ordinate outfits and exude professionalism she harboured a keen tendency for entropy. 'Almost there' she could hear Aubrey tutting in the distance, hovering beside the door.

'I'm hungry' her voice lingered in the air, much like it did all those many years ago.

'Alright, alright I'm here' Nikki jumped the last step beaming excitedly. The pair resembled Thelma and Louise, crossing the four streets to JoJo's lurking behind oversized sunglasses and muddied wellies.

'I may have asked Harry over for breakfast' Nikki broached the sentence as they approached the final crossing 'he was far too taken with our colourful past'

'That and you have the…' sniggering to herself Aubrey turned to Nikki '…hots for him'

'Hey, I'm your coffee providing, employment giving lovable awesomely fantastic Godmother, give me a break.'

'That's why you've gone bright red.' Aubrey took off at pace.

_**April 20**__**th**__** 2010 London, UK**_

'You know I said I'd speak to someone in South Africa?' Nikki busied herself with making breakfast, on yet another occasion Harry had stayed over, driven wild by the days spent alone at his flat. Aubrey's visit quashing any idea of lazy Sunday's in the spring air of Nikki's back yard.

'Yes, I hope you followed your own advice.' Harry replied, basking in her beauty from the dining table where he was pretending to read the papers.

'I did, the friend I spoke to is doing a research study into physical changes in the brain associated with post-traumatic stress.' It left him uneasy for her to be labelled with such an impinging condition.

'Why didn't you tell me he'd diagnosed you with PTSD?' he asked frustrated that she'd not told him sooner.

'It was a mild case, he didn't medicate me' Nikki struggled 'and I'm doing a lot better now it's not really relevant. Well, anyways I had a brain MRI done to help with the study when I was abroad and now they want a follow up'

'So they realised you did have a brain then' Harry retorted in defensive sarcasm, pushing the caffeine plunger down vigorously, swirling waves of conscious hoping to escape the buttercup yellow cafetiere.

'Not funny Harry' Nikki shifted the Blini stack onto a tray. 'I've got a scan booked for tomorrow and as part of that I'm not allowed caffeine or,' pausing to quell her embarrassment 'sex, twenty four hours before.'

'Hormonal imbalance huh?' Harry smiled, making a plate of scrambled egg, Blini and bacon.

'Yeah, I don't mind if you stay tonight but we can't.' Nikki stopped, leaving the memory of last nights passionate love making as the sentence finale.

Harry bowed his head and spoke the image swimming between them. 'Have sex' he whispered, before grinning stupidly.

'I need to take diazepam first thing to keep the results consistent, so I've got a taxi booked for 9 am.'

'It's ok; I'll drive you over there and wait for you. Drugged Nikki should be amusing.' He took a mouthful of food, slightly distracted by the loosening of her dressing gown, giving just a hint of the bra she was wearing.

'Oi' she nudged him playfully under the table, retying the string of her gown. 'Celibate, for 24 hours please?' he grinned in response, feeling a shift of blood flow to his manhood.

'Yes, serious scan tomorrow, must. Not.'

'Technically my scan isn't until half past ten.' It was only 9 am; he smiled appreciatively, 'if we eat quickly….' He'd never rushed his food till now.

_**September 2000 Willow Creek, Cambridgeshire, UK **_

'You must be Aubrey' the accent was laced with money 'The new girl, here on scholarship' Arran offered out her hand, draped in an expensive looking bracelet.

'And you are?' the accent was confused, soft, lazy Irish punctuated with correct emphasis of London-based English.

'I am Arran Chatterly' Aubrey couldn't help but snigger

'What? Like the book?' taking the confused look on her face as an escape plan Aubrey rose and left the gaggle of girls trying to work out what she'd meant.

_**April 11**__**th**__** 2010 London, UK **_

The drive into a private clinic was peaceful, the early Sunday morning traffic was light and entertainment came in the form of walk of shame hunting. Nikki could feel her sense of reality swimming; oversized sunglasses were concealing her twitchy eyes. The building was modern, all blonde wood and glass, worried for her ability to move with co-ordination Harry pulled into a disabled space. They took the lift, Nikki clutching the letter, evidently nervous about her impending assessment.

A kindly nurse fetched Nikki within a matter of moments, leaving Harry to a plethora of property magazines and a lone GQ. The whole event had brought his mind back to that evening, the heavy autumn air choking him as much as seeing her brought out. Too shocked to move, she was cradled in Leo's arms. Tears streamed from her eyes, her limbs floppy from fear.

'Harry' the nurse leant over, 'Dr Cunningham?'

'Hmm, yes, sorry, miles away' he gave her an awkward smile. 'Is everything ok?'

'Nikki wants you to come back, something's happened. Instantaneously he was standing, pensively following the young brunette through a set of doors to another waiting area, an open door denoted an odd sense of chaos.

'Harry' Nikki was sitting on a patient trolley, dolled in hospital garb. She was swatting at tears, curled into a ball.

'What on earth's happened…'

'Pregnant' she sniffed. Turning to look away, as far as he was concerned they had been exclusive, inadvertently

'Oh' he sat on the edge of the bed. 'Is it? Who, I mean it's not my place'

'Congratulations' her tone was dry, 'they want me to stay and go on an IV to flush the diazepam from my system' she tried to smile.

'Right, well I'll…I mean maybe we should talk about things and…' He was in shock, happy shocked but shocked none the less.

'Can you…. can you hold my hand. I hate needles' he let out a nervous chuckle before nodding and moving closer to her. A doctor interrupted them, pushing an instrument tray into the room. He felt her lax body tense as the fluids were set up. Explaining they'd be here for a few hours Harry asked for an ultrasound to be arranged.

'Harry, I'll make an appointment with my doctor,' she looked around the room, glistening modern equipment lurked in every corner.

'It's fine, I… I have private insurance' the doctor nodded and left the room. 'You're carrying my baby and I want the best, so the best you shall get' Nikki let out a fresh sob; the words were so personal _carrying my baby_.

'What? Am I being to over protective, are you keeping it?' Harry froze, watching Nikki carefully.

'I never wanted children' she watched his face fall, 'I figured if anything happened I'd deal with it if when maybe. But, I think it feels right this time.' Immediately Harry's face turned, beaming that he could possibly make another human being feel wanted. He never really knew if his father _wanted _him and that had hurt for many, many years. 'But you know as well as I do, I'm fragile.' She cursed as the line caught in the blanket, tugging at her skin.

'It wasn't exactly perfect timing, was it?' Nikki agreed, weakly smiling at him. 'I'll fit with you Nikki, you know I will, it has to be your decision and I'll work with that.' He reached out to take her hand, gently lifting it to simultaneously wipe the tears away. Despite the water a spark of electricity passed, fizzling into a flutter of hope.

'I think I need time. I'm not saying no to _us_. I'm saying that there is a lot of, something, going on and with my head still a bit messed up and Aubrey and everything I need to work things through.' Harry found himself stifling tears, he could give her time; not an eternity but he needed space to think too. 'If you want to be there for all the baby things then that's ok with me. Being a father means a lot to you.'

He wanted to gather her in his arms, protect her from everything they'd be facing, the hospital visits, the hormones, the emotions but he knew restraint was necessary. Holding hands would simply have to do. They were interrupted by a knock at the door; hiding behind a machine was a bubbly looking lady accompanied by a technician of some description. Introducing herself as the on-call midwife the woman looked at the couple before her with knowing eyes. They'd only be doing a preliminary scan today, checking development and working out due dates.

'I estimate you at about 12 weeks, you'll be showing soon' came the chirpy voice not fifteen minutes later. 'I understand this pregnancy wasn't planned but most couples wait until the 12th week to let bosses, close friends and so on know. So I guess you'll be dropping a few bombshells soon.'

If only she knew Harry thought, squeezing Nikki's hand tight.


	7. Chapter 7

_I do apologise for the gap in updating, I've been busy graduating (!) and whatnot so fic fell to the way side. I have sort of worked my way through the next few chapters and I know how I want this story to end but we shall see what happens along the way. I can say it's not going to be an easy ride, but Harry has Nikki and Nikki has Harry. X _

May 1st 2010 Cambridge, UK

'Who da man?' Patrick thrust the door open, wafting a letter in his hand. 'Who da man?' Aubrey stifled a giggle, silently agreeing he was awesome.

'You got your internship then?' Patrick nodded, scooping his girlfriend up and spinning her round.

'Oh yeah baby. Lets go out to dinner, celebrate you and I being awesome' Aubrey giggled; she did need an excuse to wear the new dress she'd purchased in London.

'We da people?'

'We DA PEOPLE' Patrick agreed, re-reading the letter just to confirm once more that he was going to be spending the summer at MI5 as an intern for a bioterrorism lab.

'New dress or hot dress?' Patrick looked up; Aubrey was holding two equally beautiful, figure-enhancing dresses in hazy summer shades.

'New dress, I can't take the hot dress off easily.' She eyed him mischievously. 'What? I'm male, I have needs and you are one awesomely sexy, fantastically amazing woman. If I want to undress you after a scrumptious meal I'd rather we didn't need to do the Macarena.'

'Did I tell you how much I love you?'

**May 1****st**** 2010 Harry's Apartment, London **

The news had been theirs to cherish for the past few days. Entranced by the idea of fatherhood Harry had resisted his usual laziness. His rights to parenthood would be guaranteed, that much they'd agreed on. But earning Nikki's trust and love would give him a family, instead of a child and mother. 'I've been looking at property' he leapt over the sofa with vigour, landing across from Nikki hidden under a blanket. Her hormones had been raging throughout the day, leaving her too drained to care.

'Harry I'm tired. Can't it wait.'

'Yeah, I know you've not made a decision yet and that's completely fine but I'm moving out of here, our child will need space to run around'

'Plenty here' Nikki mumbled drifting to sleep 'they won't be big for a few years anyway. Comfy sofa' Harry wanted nothing more than to press a loving kiss on her forehead, that in-between stage was endearing, she was caught somewhere between being his and not being anyone's. For that moment of required protection he could pretend that she was his to love and care for, adore and make slow, heated love to. They already had that part down. Unwittingly her belongings had started to litter his lofty apartment. Her clothes hung in solitary outfits, aired from an overnight bag each evening, cast off on her return from work in disgust at the bump beginning to form. He'd read about the changes her body would go through, the pelvic bone remodelling to accommodate the bub, shifting her gait. She already had the pregnant walk down, even in four-inch heels. He wouldn't dare suggest more appropriate footwear without back up from her doctor, an extremely pleasant ex-university friend of Leo's.

He'd already bought a onesie, a tiny little thing he saw at the supermarket of all places. Sure that Nikki would refuse to clad their child in such a cheap garment he'd stuffed it at the back of his underwear drawer, an odd sort of metaphor for his current parenthood, omnipresent like a comfort blanket but concealed beneath her inability to commit.

Harry lifted her slumbering form close, loosing the warm blanket and gaining a pained whimper from her dream. He hated that the day still haunted her, but he could at least be there for each and every nightmare. 'Shhh, Niks' he laid her on his oversized bed, slipping the covers over her and sitting for a moment drinking in her form, once curled hair hung in mussed bundles echoing her turmoil.

2nd May 2010 Cambridge, UK

Aubrey punched the numbers into her phone excitedly. 'Geek?'

'Aub's, is everything ok? Are you hurt again? It's 7:30 am what on earth are you doing up.' Nikki was barely awake, struggling to find her robe for modesty's sake.

'I'm fine, I wanted to catch you before work. Patrick got his job; we're both London bound. Is that a boy's grumble I can hear?' Aubrey shuffled her books into a backpack listening intently to Harry's snoring. Today's fine weather would be wasted on her, dusty stacks of research articles awaited.

'Yeah, listen. I actually needed to talk to you. Can we Skype this evening? When you're finished studying.' Getting concerned Aubrey quickly agreed, lining up her first and by no means last caffeine hit of the day.

Nikki had explained her idea to Harry, Aubrey was Nikki's daughter in a manner of speaking and telling her would be the first step to making things public. Grateful of his offer to use the computer at his apartment for it's impressive webcam Nikki had been lost in thought all day. _Umm don't be mad. I may possibly be having Harry's child. _No, that wouldn't work she'd pondered _I'm just as careless as your mother, only some kind of vintage version? _ The image of a cobwebbed child floated across her subconscious with a shudder.

'Aubrey.' Nikki had clicked onto the programme early, herbal tea in hand. Of late she had taken to changing into joggers in lieu of her tightening jeans.

'Geek is everything ok? I've been freaking out all day long.' Aubrey's new bedroom filled in the pixelated background.

'Yeah, listen I wanted you to be the 4th person to know. I'm, well no easy way to put it. I'm pregnant' Nikki's news was meant with overwhelming squeals of happiness.

'Knew it, Harry?' Mishearing the conversation as a summons Harry's face flopped into view of the webcam.

'Yes…. And you are too smart for your own good.' Harry quipped, moving to perch on the desk chair's armrest

'Woman's intuition.' Aubrey countered, grinning excitedly. 'How far along?'

'3 months' Nikki blushed. Harry watched Aubrey do the maths, working out dates and concluding just how involved they'd been since her accident.

The conversation hadn't lasted long on account of a dodgy Internet connection. Harry set up a DVD and beckoned Nikki to the sofa, trying to gauge her mood. It was a well-known fact that men were poorly schooled in such psychology, however Harry tried and failed as she set her mug down.

'Harry?' His attention focussed in on the beautiful woman sat next to him. 'How would you feel if I said that perhaps, given the fact my vivacious God daughter is moving to London for the summer, I could stay here on a more semi-permanent basis?'

'Are you sure about this?' Harry's face rivalled the Blackpool illuminations.

'Yes, it's another step right? I'll still hold onto my place and if it gets too much we can always work out something else but I'm keen for Aubs to get a decent start in London. She'll have a court case to deal with eventually. That isn't easy to cope with and if having a place sorted helps then we'll do that.' Harry hoped that such maternal concern would be extended to their child. So far they were beating the odds, their baby was fighting the uphill battle to be born healthy.

'Ok, that's a perfectly reasonable concern. Semi-permanent it is. Though I'm still going to get myself sorted out with a house, if only because I want to.' Nikki beamed, she knew Harry wouldn't underestimate a child but she hadn't really accounted for the intensity of love he harboured for their unborn baby already.

'We should probably tell Leo tomorrow then.'

'If he hasn't worked it out already. I'm moving like a beached whale already' Nikki grumbled, shuffling into Harry's embrace without invite.

'Hmm, we'll tell him anyway.'

3rd May 2010 Lyle Center, London

'Leo?' Nikki was already perched at her desk shuffling toxicology reports according to priority.

'Good morning, didn't realise you'd be in so early.' It was barely 8 am, with technicians due to start at nine it was commonplace for the pathologist to rally early if they wanted to avoid the gossip mill.

'Me either' Harry chuckled, swinging through the door with coffee cups in hand. 'Coffee, on me.' Leo took the cup with suspicion, watching Harry set a cup of tea on Nikki's desk.

'Can we talk to you?' Nikki watched Leo grin, knowing that he had already guessed.

'Of course' Leo motioned towards his bright office.

'It's about time for you to know that I'm pregnant and it's definitely Harry's baby.' Leo failed to hide his surprise and relief mixed up in the squint smile that endeared him to so many.

'Are you moving in together? You have seen a doctor? I mean are congratulations in order?'

Clocking the questions one by one Nikki bit her lip from the happy grin growing. 'Sort of, yes and I think so.' Leo stood up and embraced the blonde doctor, whispering that he was genuinely happy for them both.

'You know that I'll be stopping your field work soon?' Nikki groaned whilst Harry found camaraderie in Leo. Nikki's personality dictated a propensity to over stretch and over work, two things that would detrimental for their impending arrival.

'Oh come on Nikki, you knew _that_ was coming' Harry smirked and took the playful punch like a man. 'We're actually seeing Dr Conway, an old medic friend of yours?'

'Florence Conway? Yes, she's quite a titan in her field I gather…. Working out of the Haddlington if I remember correctly.'

'Yeah, I was seeing a private specialist for the follow up MRI I agreed on in South Africa when we found out.'

'Well I really am pleased you two have sussed something out. Mind if I tell Janet?'

'Not at all…and thank you for being so understanding Leo.' They agreed that drinks had become the unofficial code for breaking news in the lab. Upon Leo's excuse to attend a crime scene Harry had insisted on letting him book a weekend away to see his mother and a stay in the Cotswolds as some kind of unnecessary treat for letting the world know of their child.


	8. Chapter 8

I must apologize for the delay, I've been busy in real life, blah, blah, blah….away on holiday in Europe and generally not inclined to write. And this is un-beta'd because I am far too excited to hear everyone's response. Also, happy birthday Sar! X

**June 11****th**** 2010 Harry's Apartment, London **

The letter felt weighty in his hands. It wasn't the heavy grade paper or the dense ink, no it was a childhood dream cradled by a pedophilic nightmare. Instinct was toting with defiance, much like it had done for his entire lifetime. Who had been given the power to designate him worthy of such an order? Bound into the royal air force he'd be destined for Afghanistan, unsure if he'd return. Rising from the dining table Harry grabbed his phone and dialed Leo, stepping outside beyond Nikki's earshot. He listened intently as Leo explained that Harry was the default choice given Leo's recent trauma and Nikki's pregnancy. He knew all of that already but pried for more information as to why they're department was being picked on. Apparently a mass grave had been happened upon and a specialist in both pathology and facial reconstruction was required to try and identify if any terrorists had already been destroyed.

The metaphoric rain cloud had returned to Harry as he hung up on Leo, honesty was his currency but with another life at risk he paused. Stepping into what was rapidly becoming their bedroom he curled around Nikki, his agitated breath rousing her slowly. 'Baby, I need to head into work, Leo's caught a big case.' He watched her rise with a start, sleepily offering her own services.

'No, you are off all fieldwork and I'm not wanting you caught up in a complex case. Sleep, you and the baby need it.' He left her without a fitful protest of the indignity of pregnancy and how she still had function legs as had become commonplace. Pouring coffee into a travel mug Harry made his way to the office, letter in tow.

**June 11****th**** 2010 Nikki's Apartment, London**

Aubrey had settled in well at the lab, acting primarily as Nikki's shadow, picking things up and running through the tests needed. She wasn't half as busy as Patrick who'd been out doing fieldwork of his own, excitedly following his mentor around the country for the past fortnight.

There had been very little news in regards to the trial, and the acuity of working so closely with the medico-legal system made her own impending court case weigh on her mind. Distracted by helping out at work and assisting Nikki in a house hunt for herself and Harry there hadn't been much time to dwell on it, other than the lonely nights of insomnia.

Jumping at the sound of her phone going off Aubrey gave up on the idea of sleep for the morning, grinning happily at the message she rose to shower, unsure of what her third day off held.

**June 11****th**** 2010 Lyle Centre, London **

'What have you told Nikki?' Leo eyeballed Harry for any hint of emotion.

'Big case' Harry countered sheepishly. Having reached the second page of his letter the idea of putting his affairs in order, writing a will, appointing a named person and writing a final letter whilst dealing with impending fatherhood left him sick.

'You have the right to refuse,' Leo offered, understanding that such an act would compromise the center's reputation.

'I can't. It's just, how do I explain this? What if my child arrives when I'm not here….I don't even have a house yet… I'm not ready'

'Nor would anyone be. I hated to do this to you but it's wartime and we could uncover vital information.'

'And you enjoyed an extremely pleasant lunch with some Lieutenant who stuffed a pamphlet down your throat. I've only just regained Nikki's trust,' Harry rubbed his face with aggravation 'this? This will tear that apart.'

'Well if you decide to go for it we'll all be here for Nikki, you know that. Aubrey is in London, I'm not going anywhere and Janet is a great listener. Nikki wouldn't be alone. It's part of your job and she will understand, eventually.'

'Yeah, I know. I guess I couldn't go without some kind of commitment to her.'

'Propose' Leo's suggestion was simple and for the first time Harry seriously considered such a thing. 'Better still marry Nikki and then go, you guys haven't exactly done anything the correct way round, you've not even had the first date and you're expecting a child. But that's just my opinion.'

'Can you give us both the weekend off?'

'Well since Nikki's on office only duties I'll cover your on call. Why?'

'You'll find out Leo,' Harry grinned 'all will become clear.'

**12th July 2010 London Heathrow Airport, London**

'Why won't you tell me where were going Harry!' the light protests were met by a heaving sigh in the otherwise silent departure lounge.'

'Because it is a surprise for as long as I can keep it that way… I told you to pack for somewhere hot.. And that's all your getting'

'i've got hardly anything to wear, just look at me' resting her hand on a tiny bump forming beneath her dress Nikki sighed again. 'and I need to pee...again'

After a brief discussion with the attentive staffer harry convinced the brunette to merely fetch them upon the boarding call, the flight would land over sunset, Harry's favourite time of day.

**12th July 2010 LHR-VIE**

Nikki hadn't known thief destination until the flight attendants intimated their arrival in Vienna mid flight, having spent a childhood split between South Africa and England travelling around Europe had been a hasty adventure with Freya. Namely involving skanky youth hostels, excessive alcohol consumption and hung over train journeys. Excited by the prospect of actually being able to afford a more pleasant insight to such a grand city Nikki had promptly fallen asleep for the remaining flight. Ever the gentleman luggage retrieval and airport navigation had fallen on his shoulders, intimating their next move to a groggy Dr Alexander propping up their luggage trolley. Stopping outside the Hotel Sacher, famed for the chocolate torte, they swiftly checked in and collapsed into a picturesque suite, complete with oversized bathtub and balcony.

The morning came with a familiar fitful noise of Nikki enduring more morning sickness. Harry order room service for himself and Ginger ale with dry toast for Nikki, understanding her wish to wretch in privacy. He settled the tray on the balcony, high above the Vienne center. He was almost caught staring at Nikki whose robe tied neatly above the bump. A neatly poised guidebook clutched in his grasp prevented Nikki from smelling or seeing his breakfast, a sure fire trigger for more projectile interruptions.

'Oh look, Harry there's a bike tour'

'You are not getting on a bike in a bustling city carrying my child' Harry protested, bringing his used cutlery to a close encounter on his plate.

'Why not?' the added pout weakened Harry's stoicism, 'it's an amazing way to see the city, get our bearings!'

' I know my way around, but if you insist...' servant to her whims and energy levels Harry finished up lukewarm coffee and readied himself for the three hour bike ride.

**14****th**** July Vienna, Austria **

The evening had gone exactly as he's planned, their day was filled with trips to castles and museums enough to ware Nikki's vivacious energy levels out. He'd ordered room service to arrive at no earlier than half eight, compromising her favourite food and his, finished off with a selection of elegant desserts. Leaving a slumbering Nikki to her rest Harry had disappeared into the bathroom, running a steaming tub with lavender oil and Jo Malone candles in her favourite fragrance, a last minute addition courtesy of Aubrey. In lieu of asking her father (knowing that he was indifferent to her situation) Harry had met Nikki's Goddaughter on his way up to see his mother for the family heirloom. Excited had been a mild understatement as they shared coffee, a relieve smile from the young woman grateful that Nikki's child wouldn't have to grow up in a broken home. Sensing everything was perfect Harry returned to their bedroom, leaning over to place a gentle kiss on the scrap of shoulder peeking out from the throw.

'Mmmm,' Nikki stretched against Harry's embrace enjoying his breath tingling on her skin.

'I've run you a bath, before dinner.' He didn't let her protest, simply leaving her to rise whilst he went to undress, sliding into the warmed water in anticipation. The quiet rustle of clothes being cast off was followed by Nikki's appearance, robed and still dewy from sleep.

'Harry what on earth is all this…. Is that Jo Malone I smell?' Rubbing her curls into submission Nikki crossed the marbled floor to the tub, loosing the robe.

'I thought since you'd been so busy all day long a bath and massage would be the best tonic, doctors orders.' Harry was met with a flick of water for being so corny, nestling his arms around Nikki as the water lapped over the bump.

'Well I think you're very much correct,' Nikki was moaning in delight as masculine hands worked over her weary muscles. 'And you get a gold star for the trip, it's been bloody amazing to get away for a few days.'

Harry grinned, reaching to the floor for the hidden box. 'Turn around Nikki,' he helped her maneuver around the bump, 'and close your eyes' he could see the grin broadening on her face.

'Ok,' he thumbed the box open and lifted her hand from the water 'open' the squeal made him soar inside, exploding into a hundred shards of happiness. 'I know I'm going out on a limb here, and we've not exactly done everything according to plan but I love you Nikki, with ever fiber of my being I've loved you since the day we met and the thought of not being with you to watch our child grow and blossom is too much to think about, so will you Nikki Alexander, do me the honour of become Mrs Cunningham?'

A small giggle erupted as Nikki nodded 'nothing would make me happier Harry.' He didn't wait to be asked for a kiss, reaching over to place the first of many, many more kisses on his fiancée's lips. Running a hand in her hair he drank in the smell, thinking how lucky he was.


	9. Chapter 9

**15****th**** July VIE to LHR **

Waking up cradled in Harry's arms was delightful, memories of the slow, uninterrupted sex (the first legitimate sex since, well, since baby Cunningham was made) flooding her mind as she watched him come to, his face contorting into a broad grin.

'Morning'

'Morning' Nikki giggled, the strong movement made her eyes widen, 'Harry, quick, harry' she took his masculine hand and placed it over her bump. 'Can you feel that?'

Harry chortled in delight.

'Yes, yes I can' Harry leaned in close to the baby, reeling off some witless rugby commentary. '…and he breaks through the defense line past the ten yard mark and it's a tryyyyyyyyyy. Definitely a rugby player in there.' Nikki chortled happily as Harry buried his hand under her nightie placing a paternal kiss on the spot, wanting nothing more than to lie there for the rest of time Harry grumbled something about getting ready for the airport. The beautiful scenery of Vienna was lost on the couple as they snuggled in the car heading back home to share the seismic shift in their relationship.

**15****th**** July LHR Terminal 3 **

'Wait here,' Harry instructed as they stood in the arrivals lounge. Nikki found herself staring at the ring, glinting with a promise of memories and of growing old.

'You aren't reconsidering?' Harry grimaced, pulling their bags toward the taxi rank.

'Of course not,' Nikki fiddled the ring back down her finger, 'I know this is rude to ask but I'm going to anyway.'

'It belonged to my father's mother and her father before then. My mother was more than happy to let me have it for you. Best of a bad lot I think she said' Nikki batted playfully at Harry as they reached the taxi queue, choosing to stop by the office to pick up mail and check in.

Welcome smiles and congratulations were offered by the staff as the glided through the office, noticing the bling before the smitten behaviour of two normally professional pathologists. Leo was surprisingly underwhelmed when Nikki stuck her head round the door, 'it's about bloody time Dr Alexander' he beamed eventually 'everything ok with the baby?'

'Yeah, though I now feel positively like a beached whale'

'My beached Whale' Harry corrected 'you've been on your feet all day, let's get out of her' Harry gave Leo a subtle look, grimicing slightly as the security door buzzing brought him back into the present.

'My place or yours?' Nikki suggested. 'I can wait to see Aub's. She and Patrick had some leave this week and well, I don't want to be disturbing anything.'

'Ahh young love, my place it is then,'

'More to be said for old love' Nikki responded.

**16****th**** July 2010 Harry's Apartment, London **

Leaving Harry to sleep off another sleepless night of newfound second trimester libido. Powering up her laptop Nikki fixed a cup of herbal tea, settling at Harry's desk, figuring the ring on her finger gave her the right to.

An uneven pile of mail, obviously sorted in haste caught her eye. _She shouldn't_ was the first thought but Nikki knew that for their relationship to work there couldn't be any more secrets, small or big. When the words Ministry of Defense burned bright the urge overcame and she freed the letter from the secrecy of the stack.

Overwhelmed with the news and disgusted by the false pretence of their engagement Nikki tore the ring from her finger, got dressed and left without rousing Harry until the door slammed behind her, taking two steps at a time she didn't notice Harry watching her hail a taxi from the bedroom window.

Reaching for his mobile Harry reached Nikki's voicemail. Jumping the steps to the great room he noticed the laptop humming contentedly and more irritatingly the letter cast aside on the keyboard, hiding the ring in the neat crisp folds. 'Nikki, I am so sorry, please can we meet later to discuss this. Give my love to the bump.'

Nikki unlocked her front door, thrusting it shut with her foot. Pacing through the sitting room her heels clicked on the slate floor as she reached the kitchen, violently flicking the kettle on. Cursing under her breath she cast her boots in a corner, ripping at her coat. The unanswerable question of why? When? How? Her mind raced, she'd been through a marathon of emotion and since she'd almost lost Aubrey Harry had understood that things moved slowly, at least from an emotional standpoint. If they'd sat down and discussed it like adults, perhaps Vienna could have happened, no, dammit her minds changed direction. Harry just wanted the grieving widow in case he accidentally blew himself to smithereens.

'Geek you're back' Aubrey interrupted Nikki's torment. 'So, how was it? All gorgeously romantic.'

'No, well yes, well I don't think I can do this' Nikki's speech was speeding as she continued to pace. 'He's an asshole Aub's' Nikki could feel her eyesight swimming as she reached for a mug

'I think you need to sit down first and talk properly. Y'know in formed sentences…' Aubrey was cut off as Nikki slumped over the counter, landing against her Goddaughter guiding her safely to the floor. 'Shit, Nikki!'

Reaching for the phone Aubrey instinctively called Harry 'I don't care what you've done to my Godmother, but you need to get over here she's just fainted. I need the number of her midwife.' Harry promised to call Dr Conway, his mouth dry and heart racing as he sped across London.

'Nikki, Geek, Nik's' Aubrey had propped Nikki's legs on a pillow, her pulse slowing to normal as she opened her eyes 'it's ok, you've passed out.'

'Harry?' Aubrey smiled, whatever Harry had done was obviously not that bad.

'He's on his way over, he's also called a midwife to come check you out.' Nikki was helped onto the sofa. 'Take it easy, okay?'

'He's been asked to go to Afghanistan and thought he'd just disappear once he'd proposed, leave me to play the grieving widow.' Nikki turned white again, her vision blurry as she tried to calm down. 'Aubre…'

'Why don't you listen when I tell you to take it easy?' Aubrey placed a cooled facecloth on Nikki's forehead, reassuring her back into reality again.

'No speaking,' a commotion was heard at the door as Harry barreled into the kitchen; freezing in the doorway unsure if his presence was warranted.

'I don't have the energy to bite' Nikki protested softly, encouraging him to her side.

'I reckon someone has been up to mischief in the last few days not eating enough or resting enough' Aubrey assessed, Nikki was surprised how professional she was managing to sound. 'Let me go and fetch a breakfast for you from JoJo's. Harry do you want anything?'

'Sure,' too busy reassessing his fiancés condition with a concerned frown.

'You should have told me before we went to Vienna.' Harry cajoled her to shush until the midwife arrived five minutes later, tutting as temperature, pulse, blood pressure and baby's heart rate were checked.

'You've got a slight fever, a low blood sugar and low blood pressure.' Nikki groaned, she knew a lecture was coming. 'It seems like you've not been looking after yourself properly Nikki, I'd like you to rest for the rest of this week and do a urine sample so I can check for signs of a UTI.'

'I'm due back at work tomorrow?'

'Can you work without stress and from the sofa?' The midwife was met with conflicting answers; Harry was protesting that they'd manage without her whilst Nikki was offering to stay on the sofa at work.

'You think Leo will let you come in anyway?'

'Well if that's decided I want you to rest for the remainder of this week and I'll stop by every day to make sure things improve.'

'She'll be resting at my apartment, it's closer to the hospital and our work so I can police the bed rest.' The chivalry was endearing, Nikki watched bemused as Harry gave the correct address over, explaining he'd try and be there too.

'And on Friday I'll arrange for your 32 week scan, ensure baby is growing well, which they are at the moment, you're at 31 cm bump size and the heartbeat is a low normal.'

'Low normal?' harry looked stricken.

'Bed rest will hopefully improve that Dr Cunningham.' Tidying away the equipment pulled out in haste the midwife finished with a warning to eat a proper meal before heading back across town.


	10. Chapter 10

_I hope you will forgive me for the epic amount of soppy love that this chapter contains, I promise the angst is about to return in boatloads! Xx _

**July 24****th**** 2010 Harry's Apartment, London**

With encouragement from everyone Nikki had surrendered and spent a few days on the sofa, Harry insisting he carry her up the stairs to bed in the evenings. They hadn't discussed what was going to happen formally but in small stress free conversations Harry had explained what would be expected of him. Nikki had time to rationalize her thoughts with Harry at work. In such a specialized mission Harry would be working in a protected site. Asking Nikki's permission to begin the small amount of training he would need prior to deployment. On her third night of bed rest Nikki had offered to let him go. If he deployed in the next two weeks then he would make it back by the due date. Harry had re-proposed to Nikki, emphasizing the need for honesty.

'Tea?' Harry offered the steaming mug to a semi comatose Nikki, the warning of not taking care of herself had led Harry to cook proper meals every night.

'You'll have parcel's to pick up at work tomorrow' Nikki mused, catching him up on the day's big event, Internet shopping. 'I am far to humungous now, I have cankles,' Pulling up the blanket to show tiny, but marginally swollen ankles, 'my boobs are sore and huge and I feel like a beached whale.'

'But you are still absolutely stunning.' Soothing her protestations with an ankle rub he broached the awkward subject he'd been discussing at training. 'So I need to complete a will and appoint next of kin.' Nikki almost chocked on her tea, inhaling deeply to keep the baby calm.

'Ok' Nikki could feel her eyes welling up.

'It's all protocol Nikki, I just need to ask your permission, I'm leaving everything to you and the baby and you are my next of kin, if that's okay?'

'Why don't we marry this weekend?' Nikki couldn't tell if her pregnancy hormones were causing the impulsivity. 'I know I wasn't keen before and we decided to put it on hold but can we get the paper signed. If,' she had to stop and recompose herself 'if something happens I'd rather be Mrs Cunningham than Ms. Alexander. Bump is going to be a Cunningham and well, that's a little unfair if I don't get to be one either.'

'Are you sure?' Harry was beaming, Nikki nodded and promptly burst into tears. 'I didn't realise I had that effect on women.'

**July 27****th**** Babington House **

'So this isn't a farewell party,' Harry began, keeping an unseen hand grasped in Nikki's, 'we gathered you guys here to witness our, well..' the stuttering was very uncharacteristic.

'Marriage, tomorrow morning Harry and I are marrying.' The guests at dinner suddenly erupted in excited conversation. It had already been decided that Leo would be best man and Aubrey would be maid of honour. 'This is merely a formality. I do plan on getting my man down a proper aisle on a golden beach at some point' Nikki furthered 'but we've chosen to things ass backwards.' The undercurrent of her voice conveyed the main reason for a rushed nuptial.

'Excuse me please,' Aubrey rose from the table, almost catching her green frock in haste. 'Bridesmaid's duties to perform and all that.'

**July 28****th**** Little Chapel, Babington House **

Harry couldn't think of the last time he'd seen anything so beautiful, a fitting cream dress made her look stunning. He could tell she felt mildly awkward as she appeared down the aisle, shuffling under a bouquet of cream lilies, he could imagine her on their honeymoon with one wrapped around a golden lock of hair, giggling wildly. Catching Leo's eye he noticed the unmistakable wink and relaxed look of relief.

They sung two hymns, his favourite and hers, which she sung quietly in Swahili hushed against the offered voices. Leo read from _Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, _before the vows were exchanged.

'Neither of us expected this, fate pushed us together and turmoil brought us close, but Nikki it is the small things I love most about you, your intellect dazzles me, your smile shines over the darkest cloud and your hope astounds me' Harry's voice carried a sincerity and profound undercurrent of love. 'Will you join me at the table, join me in growing old, stand by me in dark times and light and let me be the steadfast rock in your world.' The words had not been prepared, catching Nikki off guard as a tear slipped out.

'I promised myself not to cry.' Nervous laughter filled the room 'It would give me great pleasure to join you Harry, for I believe our two bashed souls complement in a way I've never felt,' Nikki giggled slightly, gazing at Harry 'you've gained my heart without knowing, offering me the world and more when I've needed it most. You've protected and nurtured me in a way I could never have imagined, cherished me and been the missing piece in the puzzle of life. It fills with me with great honour to join you at the table, watching the tapestry of life form around us. I promise to stand by in sickness, health and every second in-between.'

The rapturous applause fell away as Harry leant to Nikki's lips, the graze sparked as he reached a steadying hand on her chin, the passion building fission from his heart as the world concaved around them, reforming with the strong tendrils of love in every fiber of their being. Nikki let out a small laugh as Harry finished the kiss with a slow nose rub, hiding the crowd with a hand on the delicate structure of her cheek.

'Man and wife eh?'

A small echo filled the chapel as the door creaked open pronouncing Dr and Mrs Cunningham into the gentle July heat. Stood between tree and bush a tall woman was hovering, trying to glimpse the wedding party emerging. It wasn't her place to intrude but having received a phone call yesterday she was capable of more than ignorance. The blonde woman was still as effortlessly beautiful as the last time they'd met. When she'd been pregnant twenty years ago grace had been too much to ask, but watching her oldest friend emerge from the small chapel with a bump nestled like it belonged she caught herself smiling. Nikki deserved the happiness.

They'd filed into the foyer in a noisy cluster of happiness, Nikki and Harry weren't particularly aware of their company, too engrossed in the magic of new rings and eternal promises of happiness. Harry had a silent hand on their unborn child, the cuff of his suit grazing Nikki's dress. Turning to kiss her husband once again Nikki excused them from the group. Walking down the corridor to their suite Harry happily offered to assist Nikki out of her dress, the restrictive material beginning to cause irritation. Kissing her shoulder, as the ribbon tie was undone Harry cradled the delicate material carefully directing it to the ground. 'I know you don't think it but you are stunning Mrs Cunningham.' Nikki grimaced, catching her appearance in the mirror.

'Maybe ask me that in six months time' the whimper was cut off by a knock at the door. 'If it's housekeeping tell them to go away?'

'I'm not housekeeping Nikki.' The soft Irish lilt was unmistakable, Freya.


	11. Chapter 11

_**So I feel it's only appropriate to have a mini 'previously in….' catch up. My tardiness in updating has primarily come from getting into medical school (!) and general working my soul to the ground to pay for fees. **_

_So, previously in between finger and thumb… Nikki is now very heavily pregnant and has just married Harry before he goes overseas to work. Aubrey, Nikki's goddaughter is working at the Lyle Centre for her elective and hasn't heard from her mother in several months, since an accident in Cambridge. The story picks up in the aftermath of Freya's, Aubrey's mother, return. Confused? You bet! _

Caught between utter disbelief and overwhelming anger Nikki could barely feel Harry's strong hands directing her to a sofa, whispering to keep calm for the sake of bump.

'No, you're not.' The abandonment was palpable in her tone; it had been years since they'd seen each other. 'How? When did you -?'

'I got the message that you were getting married, my daughter finally got in touch,' the terminology couldn't have been further from the warm-hearted mum Freya had been in a previous life. 'Though it looks like you'll have one soon enough, you never told me'

'What happened to you?' Nikki blinked silent tears away, aware that Harry was still in the room. Nikki had been the one to keep in touch keen to watch her Goddaughter grow up, even if it was in broken phone-calls and the occasional picture.

'What do you mean? What happened Nik's? We grew up. Aren't you going to introduce me?' Freya directed her gaze to Harry who did the formalities, offering to get tea arranged.

'Marriage isn't for everyone but you two seem, happy.' Both Harry and Nikki chuckled in response; neither were willing to give up the real reason for such a rushed matrimony.

'We are, but I thought you and Aubrey weren't on talking terms? Why would she phone you?'

'Things are getting a little – easier, if you will. She keeps a different world of company and well; university isn't something I want to remember. She isn't without though'

'You could never stomach Thom being there could you?' Feeling her blood pressure beginning to rocket Nikki inhaled deeply.

'I didn't come her to talk about me, I came to watch an old friend getting what she deserved in life, and something not all of us could have.'

'An old friend? You were my best friend' the words rolled out with venom coats and thick viscous barriers.

'Happiness, for all your faults Nikki you're genuinely happy. And that's something I wanted for you. I failed as a mother, as a sister and I want it all to stop.' Tears erupted through cracks in a six-inch wall. The dam soon opened as a lifetime of disasters came to light; the successful businesswoman, a missing husband, several miscarriages, bipolar. 'There's something you should know, I… well I've not been at home for the past few months.'

'So, why does that matter, you missed your daughter nearly dying, for heaven's sake, I missed you after the shooting' Nikki could feel Harry's hand flex round her arm.

'Can you let me finish? I…. well its hard to sugar coat this, I…. I've been getting treatment.' Nikki recoiled immediately, she eyed Freya up and down, outwardly there were no obvious ailments. 'I'm bipolar Nikki,'

'You're what?' Nikki could feel tears in her eyes.

'I have bipolar affective disorder and I'm doing well, I'm out now and well, it is what it is'

'Does spud know?' there was a convenient knock at the door.

'Yes, I hadn't wanted her to know, I said I was taking a long trip and when I was ready they, the staff helped me get in touch with her. She told me you were pregnant though. Gosh, it's wonderful Nikki you're going to have a baby.'

'Were you manic or depressed?' it was hard to push emotion into her voice

'Manic, this last time… they had to section me' Freya's hands were trembling. 'But I'm on lithium.' she couldn't help the tears, tiny metal-laced shards that trooped out more of late. Nikki shuffled forward, curling round her baby to take Freya's hand. It was hard to keep a front up, there are times when people must go things alone and the strength it had taken for her Irish confidant to appear was staggering. She also understood the curt responses, lithium blunted a personality, denting warmth and seeping liveliness. But it stopped mania, and eased depression.

Harry too couldn't help but feel empathy, his own father had been sick; the mania had been harder to take. At least with the depression he would stay put in bed. Mania brought strange outings and bruises, invincibility and confidence.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 11 **__**– Royal Dartmouth Hospital, London **_

'Mr and Mrs Cunningham' it was giving Nikki butterflies to be Mrs Cunningham, though they'd agreed she would still work under Dr Alexander to avoid confusion.

The ultra sound technician explained that today was a final scan prior to birth. With a tiny gasp Harry watched the flickering picture of his son appear on the modern machine, it was hard not to contain his excitement at having a son, hopefully a big brother in the future. Assessing that growth was perhaps slower than it should have been they agreed that Nikki had worked too far into her pregnancy.

'I didn't want to say I told you so' Harry commented as the tech commented that the more successful women often presented with this issue. Stopping abruptly they were left alone for a moment as the tech went for a second opinion. Unsure of what was going on Nikki made a good attempt at crushing Harry's fingers. 'It's okay Nik's our baby's going to be fine' Harry knew he was lying but out loud it was almost enough to sooth his own anxiety.

'Hello, I'm Dr Barlow, one of the radiologists; I'm just going to finish this ultrasound. My technician wants me to take a look.'

'At what?'

'The heart Mr Cunningham' Harry let out a whimper; hopeful his own faulty genes hadn't been passed down to his son.

'It's Dr Cunningham, my wife's also a doctor.' The grimace on Nikki's face was unfaltering.

'Okay, I've detected an atrio-ventricular septal defect and possibly some contracture of the aorta.'

'I'm sorry Nikki,' Harry cradled her head closely, whispering as she let out an uncharacteristic sob.

'I'll leave you alone for a moment whilst I make some calls, come and find me at the reception area when you're ready.' Dr Barlow made a retreat, leaving the room silent.

Harry lifted his head up, helping Nikki to clean up, his hand resting on her bump for longer than strictly necessary.

'Thom, we need to phone Thom.' Tugging blonde curls into submission Nikki took Harry's hand. 'Thom's an amazing surgeon we'll get referred up to him. It's not a death sentence Harry.'

'How can you be so strong?' His face was damp and reddened.

'Because our son is going to live. And because Freya is beating the odds and because you and I made a commitment, because Leo lived and because our son is going to live too.' Nikki took Harry into her arms, the both of them could feel their baby kick.

'Oliver' Harry whispered the name without thinking.

'Oliver Alexander Cunningham' Nikki repeated, finding her eyes welling up again. She placed her hand over Harry's intertwining her fingers as the rested head on head 'Oliver, you have to fight for us sweetheart.'


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 12 – Harry's Apartment, London

They'd been allowed home for the night at least, referrals had been made and appointments for the following day booked. Harry had cooked dinner, finding strength in Nikki's reserve. If she, after all they'd been through, could stay positive for their unborn child then the least he could do was cook. He remembered how chicken had soothed him as a child, cooked in a creamy mushroom sauce by his mum.

'That smells delicious Harry' Nikki's opinion wafted through the airy loft space, 'can I do anything?'

'No, no… well, you can tell me who's winning the rugby match?' The uneasy banter was enough for them both, despite strength and hope, talking about what was going on was too much to ask tonight.

'London Irish 20-7,'

'Yes, see. Oliver's bringing us good luck already.' Harry passed a bowl of steaming comfort food to Nikki, sitting beside her on the sofa. The comfortable silence was interspersed with content noises of satisfaction.

Excusing himself to wash up Harry didn't realize the phone had rung, returning to find Nikki in a small puddle of tears. 'No, we're okay tonight spud. Yes, tomorrow, Thom will join us over the phone. I don't think there's much else we can do tonight. Is your mum there? Oh, right, well I'll speak to you tomorrow.' Harry wordlessly cradled Nikki close.

'Saying it out loud makes it real, I know he's going to be okay. But I'm scared Harry.'

'I'm scared too. But we can be scared together, alright? Why don't we go out for a walk, this Indian summer is too good to miss.'

Harry was right; the lazy sunshine set the perfect backdrop to the walk. The flowers had bronzed with the summer, growing down towards the ground much like their human counterparts, standing together in family groups wilting at will with the ebbing sunlight.

'We ought to buy a house,' Nikki suggested, watching the London skyline shadow glow, 'I know I said I wanted to wait but I don't want to cause Oliver more stress than he already has to endure.'

Harry had agreed, clutching Nikki's hand as they walked home, setting up his laptop in their bed and powering in a search for houses in his favourite part of town. Sleep had stolen Nikki first, curled on her side in Harry's arms; he loved to watch her sleep, the content happiness spread over her features. Drained from emotional turmoil he too had drifted off, abating the worry tomorrow would hold. Telling Leo would be the hardest part.

_**Royal Dartmouth Hospital, London **_

The multidisciplinary team sat down early that morning, discussing the complexities and rationale for treatment, Ms Connie Beauchamp had been chosen to lead the team, renowned for her surgical skill and sensible decision making abilities. Thom knew of Connie, having worked in Holby with her a lifetime ago, Harry too had met the woman once before.

'A conference on Criteria for causative heart disease in the post mortem' she whined lightly, 'pardon the pun but it was deathly boring.' With ice broken serious discussion had ensued, 'the defect is, as it currently stands, viable for endovascular repair. But a period of evaluation will be needed once the baby,'

'Oliver, we're naming our son Oliver.' Harry interjected. 'Sorry, carry on'

'It's okay Harry,' Dr Conway added, the team would be more likely to empathize now their little patient-to-be was named.

'Oliver will need evaluated when he's born. I'll carry out an echo and run some blood tests, and then it's a waiting game. Every six weeks we will meet and carry out another round of tests. When he's old enough and ready for the operation we can go ahead.' Connie continued. 'Yesterday's ultrasound looks promising and there's room for quiet optimism, I don't need to spell out the risks for you, we have the best resources and staff here.'

Concluding the meeting with a smile and handshake Ms Beauchamp left with a pager call to attend to. Shuffling out of the meeting room they were met by Leo.

'Aubrey told me. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay' he looked flustered; the office must be quiet Nikki thought.

'Yeah,' Harry muttered, squeezing Nikki's hand tightly. 'Why don't we get some coffee?'


End file.
